This is me with no filter. For the last 3 months, I’ve been busy having to grow up. I haven’t had a home, but thankfully I haven’t been living on the street either. I’ve bounced from couch to couch and home to home. I’ve been on the move while prepping up for gigs, working on music, releasing a new mix, and releasing an EP. Nonetheless, it’s been exhausting. I can admit, I’ve had moments where I could’ve worked a little harder or managed my money a little better. I haven’t worked on music as much as I would like because self-care has been just as important. I’ve had to soul search in the midst of turmoil. It’s not easy focusing on your craft when you’re going through so many personal matters. It’s been insane going through extreme highs and extreme lows in such a brief time. I’ve DJed at some of the biggest breaking events while experiencing hardship. In this past year, I’ve had multiple family members pass away, I’ve dealt with break up after a long-term relationship, I’ve lost my home, I’ve been broke, etc. It’s expensive living in LA. I’ve had to sacrifice a lot because I know I’m one of the few that can get the job done. I’m trying to build something bigger than myself. It’s been uncomfortable. I’ve been forced to grow up and make serious life choices. I’ve had to check my ego and swallow my pride. I’ve been emotional, lost some drive, depressed, insecure, felt lonely, bitter, and distracted. I’ve been kind of pissed off at the breaking scene. Sometimes, dancers demand the most from you while making you feel like work a thankless job. There’s not enough appreciation going around in the scene. Some people in the breaking scene take the music for granted. I’ve thought about quitting DJing at breaking events because sometimes I’m just tired of the BS (but no worries I’m not going to quit). I know it could be a lot worse, but the process hasn’t been easy. Through social media, it may look like I’m doing well but honestly, it’s been a struggle.
We live in a time where social media presents life to look perfect. Social media can be like the Top 10 highlight clip on SportsCenter. You don’t get to watch the full game on SportsCenter. You only get the highlights. It’s difficult for anyone to admit that they’re struggling physically, mentally, or financially. Life is going to throw curve balls at you. You have to swing. It takes courage to admit your struggles to the public. It requires strength to know that you’re making progress when things don’t seem like they’re in your favor. Although it’s been a challenge, I’m going to keep fighting. Deep down inside, there’s warrior spirit that’s guided me through all the hardship. Hard times have only taught me to keep fighting for what I want.
One of the best ways of going through hardship is by appreciating the great things in life. You don’t always have to focus on depressing matters. It’s about learning to concentrate on the great things in your life too. I’m still learning to process this. I’ve had the tendency to be motivated by negative thinking rather than positive thinking. I think hip hop heads and minorities can relate to this. We’ve had to stand firm and fight for the things we need. We’ve had to overcome a lot in society because we haven’t had the privilege. We don’t like to show vulnerability because we believe we can’t afford to. In the midst of hardship, we overlook the simple things we can appreciate in life. I’m still learning to appreciate the ability to walk, speak, hear, touch, and love unconditionally. I’m still working on shutting down negative thinking. I’ve been reading and studying more. I’m evolving at the moment. It’s all a work in progress.
I’m grateful that I’ve been able to push to make progress every day regardless of how shitty I’ve been feeling. Although I’ve felt lonely, I haven’t been alone. I have some amazing friends here in LA that have been supportive. They’ve assisted and made this journey smoother. They’ve been a positive force on my life through wisdom and selflessness. They’ve ensured me that great things are coming and to proceed with patience. Shiva advised that I shouldn’t put all my focus on being patient for great opportunities to arrive even when I know they’re coming. I should be putting more of my focus on the things that make me happy while I’m patient for great opportunities. I’m a big dreamer, and sometimes I forget about the small steps in life. The small steps help you appreciate life more. Through all the madness, I realize how I’ve been a self-reflection of my environment. I’m feeling confident about what I have and what’s coming.
Photos by: Adam Adolphus